Friday, October 16, 2015

Ladies, let's take a meeting.

After reading Alexandra Petri’s column “Woman in a Meeting” which was spurred by a discussion she had with a man over Jennifer Lawrence’s essay on gender pay gap, I wanted to—as a woman who’s run her own company as well as been the only female executive at others—share my two cents.

The whole idea behind the column was that women have to be careful what they say or they will come across as angry, threatening or bitchy. So she used famous quotes to illustrate her point.

Alexandra’s quotes are by innovators, leaders, igniters—the kind of folks who speak their mind—that’s why they’re leading. You can easily be a woman and be the boss. In fact there are more of us out there today than there were when I was twenty-two and took my first grown-up job. Now, twenty-some years later, I’m very aware of the women who came before me in the world of business and I am ever grateful that they made it easier for me to do my thing. Hopefully women like me are making it easier for future generations of working women.

That being said, here’s my beef with Ms. Petri’s words: Never, and I mean never, have I been in a meeting with a female executive or business owner who framed their statements or questions with phrases like, “I don’t know. It’s probably crazy. I feel like I’m rambling. I’m not an expert. or I’m sorry.”

F*** that . And I have heard that out of a woman’s mouth in the boardroom and it may or may not have been me.

Is it easy being a female in a mostly male workplace? No. Is it easy being a woman and owning your own company? Nope. It isn't easy owning your own company—period.

Did I take a lot of crap for being a woman? Sure, but that is the price of doing business on any level. There’s crap…and lots of it. The ability to shift through it and take away what’s valuable is, in itself, valuable. And don’t kid yourself—as a leader, other women can be just as difficult to deal with as men. It’s simply hard being the boss.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand where Petri is coming from. As someone who’s been sexually harassed, called “Barbie in the boardroom” or told that I’d never make it, I realize women deal with a different landscape in the workplace than men. That doesn’t mean that it defines us. It doesn’t. In the end I’ve always told myself it didn’t matter I was a woman—because I’m smart, but really because I work hard.

Is it fair that this is the world we live in? A place where men usually make more money than women for the same job or are praised for speaking their mind when a woman is deemed a bitch for speaking up? No.

If I’ve tried to teach my kids one thing as they’ve grown into adults it’s that life isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do or have what you want. You can. You just can’t let anyone tell you, no. Business is business. You aren’t there to make lifelong friends, but if you lead by example I can guarantee you’ll be popular in the long run.

Ladies, if you want something, you don’t have to ask for it. Make it happen. It’s not 1920—the year we finally got the right to vote—it’s 2015 and countless women before you have made more sacrifices than you can image so that you can walk into the “meeting” and not apologize for who you are or what you think.

Be fearless. That is the trait of a leader and a woman. If we weren’t fearless we wouldn’t be where we are today.

If you read Jennifer’s Lawrence’s essay on pay inequality, she blames no one but herself for not sticking up for herself.  She didn’t want to be a whiner or considered bitchy. But business isn’t a popularity contest and if you can’t stick up for yourself and your brand who will?

Finally, I wanted to translate some quotes that aren’t from John Paul Jones, Julius Caesar, Moses, JFK, FDR, MLK, Patrick Henry or any other man They are nonetheless, just as powerful.

“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.” –Joan of Arc
Stand back. I’ve got this.

“Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.” Elizabeth I
I’ve got this.

“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” –Estee Lauder
I’ve got this.

“We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.” –Queen Victoria
I’ve got this.

“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” Ginni Rometty, CEO, IBM
I’ve got this.

“Do not wait on a leader…look in the mirror, it’s you.”–  Katherine Miracle, Miracle Resources
“I’ve got this.”

“Option A is not available. So let’s kick the sh** out of Option B.” ­– Sheryl Sandberg COO Facebook
I’ve got this.

“I have a brain and I have a uterus and they both work.”  Pat Schroeder, Former Congresswoman
I’ve got this. 


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Canadians Love their Slang as much as Southerners Love their Twang

Heading to Oh Canada and turning my y’all into an eh!

I’m leaving tomorrow for Canada and Romancing the Capital in Ottawa an event put together by one of my favorite authors, Eve Langlais. But a southern girl heading that far north? What I’ve discovered is that Canadians love their slang as much as Southerners love their twang. Check it out.

Canadian                                          
Washroom or Biffy=Toilet                                        
“I’ll be back in a jiffy. I’m just going to the biffy.”

Southern
Ladies Room=Toilet
“Please excuse me. I’m going to the Ladies Room with Buffy.”

Canadian
Jesus Murphy=An exclamation of surprise
“Jesus Murphy! Do you see how tight his pants are?”

Southern
Lord have mercy=An exclamation of surprise
“Lord have mercy. Hand to heaven, I can see everything God gave him and it is not impressive.”

Canadian
Had the biscuit=Dead or broken
“Mike’s old Lada had the biscuit. It was time for a new car

Southern
Bought the farm=dead or broken
“Well butter my biscuit. Floyd’s done gone and bought the farm.”

And how about that Canadian Cuisine?


Poutine—French fries slathered in gravy and cheesecurds.
Whaaattt? Southerners love anything that is deep-fried and covered in gravy.
 
Ketchup Potato Chips
We love out BBQ and our BBQ chips in the South. I get this one Canada. I get it.

Bacon
Although I’m not into the back bacon (Canadian bacon) my research shows that Canadians love hog. So do Southerners. Get the skillet hot and let’s fry up some oink!

BeaverTail—or Queues de Castor (French) is a fried dough treat that’s shaped to resemble a real beaver tail and is topped with chocolate, fruit and even candy.
This sounds amazing. Wonder if they can make some with pralines?

TourtièreThis is a traditional spiced and savory meat pie from Quebec, made with diced or ground pork, veal, or beef. 
In the South we add some garlic, eat it out of a bowl and call it Burgoo.

I can’t wait to use my new Canadian vocabulary and I will post pictures of everything I eat in the Great White North.

Ey y'all!


Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Look into My New Book and the Unknown with Psychic Medium, Kathryn Kauffman


A Paranormal Suspense Novel as Life Imitating Art

When I decided I wanted to write a book about a hospice nurse who could see the spirits of those who come for the dying, I did what any former journalist turned novelist would—I began my quest with research. I used what I knew from personal experience, interviews and articles I’d read to craft the story and character of Indriel Luce—a woman with the first name of an angel and a last name meaning light. After I wrote, Lead Me From Temptation—a work of fiction that is tagged at booksellers as paranormal suspense—I felt the need to take a deeper look into the world around me that I didn’t see, but my main character could.
I contacted a Psychic Medium—a person who has the ability to sense and communicate with beings and energies in other dimensions including those who have died––and asked for an interview. It occurred to me after I’d fired off the email that 1) someone with this type of ability might not be interested in speaking with a fiction writer and, 2) I should consent to a mediumship reading myself. How else could I validate the answers to my questions?
Psychic medium, Kathryn Kauffman in Lexington, Kentucky graciously consented to my interview not knowing anything about me other than what I’d told her in my email or what she could’ve read online. What I discovered after meeting her was that the universe is uniquely designed to bring people together as Ms. Kauffman was not only a psychic medium, but also a nurse—just like the heroine in my book.
Kauffman has the ability to speak with those who’ve crossed over as well as those who’ve stayed behind on this dimension. I asked her to “read” me and connect with anyone that might want to contact me. I won’t share that very personal experience, but I will say that from the moment I walked into her office and she said she had messages for me, I was astonished to say the least.
I’d read up on minimal encouragers or clues someone could use to read my reaction to information in order to skew it in the right direction (the look on my face or a tiny nod to show the person they were on the right track with their reading) and went into our meeting prepared to be stone-faced and unaffected. I didn’t matter.
Kauffman had a page of messages written down and waiting for me before I arrived. And her messages were spot on.
She conveyed things she couldn’t have possibly known—things I’d never shared with anyone except for the person who’d died. I was floored and honestly had a hard time pulling myself together to conduct the interview on the heels of the reading.
That being said, the experience did allow me to pose questions I might not have otherwise asked.
As a psychic, Kauffman can foretell the future. As a medium she can connect with those who’ve passed.
We’re all on an energy path in life according to Kauffman and it’s created out of positive and negative decisions. For the most part, it’s a predictable journey. To look into someone’s future, she deals with the person’s living energy and can see a predictability based on the way they make their decisions.
I wondered if that meant we all had a predestined life and according to her, the answer is, no. “Eighty percent of everything in a psychic reading can change simply by a person changing their predictability pattern,” explained Kauffman. “When someone makes a conscious decision to change the course of their life a whole new energy path starts to develop.”
This was a reaffirmation of what I always believed to be true. You are the captain of your own ship in life, even though the rough seas. But what about looking into the past and connecting with people no longer living?  
Kauffman has been dealing with the otherworldly her entire life, discovering her abilities at an early age while living on Midway Island in the South Pacific.
“My first recollection is at the age of four. I remember I was alone in my room and I could hear heavy breathing. So I held my own breath and that someone or something continued to breathe.”
Kaufman, who has two aunts who perform professional readings, spent the next twenty years opening herself up to her abilities. From age 20 to 40 she practiced nursing and was a highly accommodated ICU nurse with experience in seven different specialty areas. “All through nursing school and being an ICU nurse I always did readings on the side for my friends and family. If a friend of a friend needed help they would send them to me. Then I got involved in some paranormal groups and volunteered my time with them. In 2004, I joined Kentucky Paranormal Investigations until they dissolved in 2013.”
Donating her time to helping those with paranormal problems, Kauffman has assisted numerous families deep in the throws of a haunting. “I’ve seen a lot of paranormal activity and I’ve seen a lot of paranormal activity in the hospital. It’s not all––good.”
Being the curious person I am, I wanted to know how I could be in touch with the universe like my character, Indie Luce. According to Kauffman it has nothing to do with magic and everything to do with Quantum Physics and Mechanics—the study of the behavior of matter and energy at the molecular, atomic, nuclear and even smaller microscopic levels––but in particular, brain waves.
Our brains are comprised of a tight network of nerve cells, all interacting with one another and creating an electrical field—your nervous system. Anywhere there’s a nerve cell there’s electricity. And since the biggest concentration of nerves are around our heads, that’s where most of the action is.
All our thoughts are formed in this electrical field and the measurable happenings in our brain’s overall electric field are our actual thoughts racing through the mind. In fact, as you read this article, you are creating energy because your thoughts are energy—just like everything else.
This brings me back to brain waves. Kauffman gave me an interesting lesson during the interview. These are the basics:
There are a few types of brain waves and based on what we are doing, these waves operate at different frequencies.  Most of us work throughout the day with Beta Waves flowing. At 14-40 HZ this means you are awake, alert and have focal awareness. This is where we are able to complete tasks.
Alpha wave 9-13 HZ is a relaxed, calm state where we are in a light meditation. This can happen when we are reading or into a movie, daydreaming or for me as a writer, when I’m in the zone. “Alpha is also where the Schumann Resonance resides,” explained Kauffman.
Schumann Resonance is the global electromagnetic resonance phenomenon of the earth. Which means, when we daydream or in my case write, we are in perfect harmony with the earth. “The vibration of the planet is identical to your brain wave state and this is where psychic communication can take place.”
Theta wave, 4-8 HZ is a trance like state. This according to Kauffman is where the dead communicate. “It is a deep, meditative state and I have to prepare for it. I do an hour of meditation before I see a client for mediumship.”
According to Kauffman, Theta is also your sleep state—where the dead communicate in your dreams. “If you’ve had a dream of someone who has passed, that is an actual communication. They wait until you get into Theta wave and dial you up. Theta wave is like the dead’s cell phone signal.”
But according to Kauffman the way the dead communicate through dreams isn’t always literal. “Unless it’s really obvious, you have to look at the whole concept of the dream to interpret what they’re trying to convey.”
Finally, there is Delta wave, 1-3 HZ, which is deep unconscious sleep. Delta is involved in triggering the release of hormones that help the body heal and recuperate and also plays a role in transferring new learning into long-term memory storage. It is the brain wave of most babies.
Because it’s all energy and brainwaves, Kauffman believes that everyone has the ability to be in touch with the other side. “I hate it when people say, ‘it’s a gift.’ It’s an ability. Just like going to someone to fix your car, they have the ability to do that. You could learn to fix your own car but you probably don’t want to. Everyone has the ability, but most people shut it down, block it and say it doesn’t exist. There’s nothing mystical about it. It’s all energy.”
If anyone can reach that level after years of practice and meditation, how would one ever tell the difference between the messages they are receiving from the dead and their own thoughts? According to Kauffman, it simply sounds different.
“Your intrinsic thought has a different tone. The message you receive has another amplitude than the thought. It’s louder and it impresses upon you more.”
Kauffman explains that she can do psychic readings all day, but mediumship or speaking to the dead is different. “I limit the mediumship because if someone was sick or hurt badly, I feel what they feel. One of the ways they communicate is to show you the pain because it’s an identifier of who they are and what happened. I have to be careful how many I do and I try to limit it.”
In fact, Kauffman restricts the amount of communication and will only do one mediumship a day, three days a week.  “When it starts to become too much, I have to push back. It’s an energy exchange. I push them away and I stay in charge.”
When I asked about spirit guides, she laughed. “I hate the cliché spirit guide and I wish there was something else to call them. They’re here to help us and it cheapens it to me to try to put a face on them. It’s just the mental image you make up.”
Kauffman was straight forward in her reading with me and does this with all her clients. “When I do a mediumship, I’m going to give you exactly what I get. I want to use my abilities to help or clarify a situation.” She intentionally leaves out accidents and deaths. “If there’s nothing a person can do to change what’s going to happen then I’m not helping. I’m only causing undo stress and anxiety.”
When I asked if that was a heavy burden to bear she confirmed for me that it was.
In fact, she gets messages she can’t do anything with. “I’ll be in Theta wave at two in the morning and there are those who are like, Hey Kathryn. Let’s talk! If I have a mediumship the next day, sometimes they’ll (the dead) show up the night before.”
Kauffman also feels as if what we see on television isn’t necessarily true and reality TV is not all real. “I think people come here and expect the Long Island Medium and as you can tell by looking around you, it’s not really that way. I don’t doubt the readings, but the set up is probably a little more than real. I do think people are more open to this type of communication because of what they’ve seen on TV.”
And she’s right. People are flocking to psychic mediums for answers. According to the American Federation of Certified Psychics and Mediums, Inc. More than 670,000 people paid to consult a psychic medium in 2012. Sixty percent of those clients were women as opposed to men.
But what are some good reasons to seek psychic counsel?
“On a psychic level, I would say that 80% of the people who walk through the door to see me already know the answer to their own question because their subconscious is already connected to everything. I pull messages from the subconscious and interpret them for the client. What I do is give them clarification and verification that what they are feeling is correct—because most of the time they already know the answer to their question.”
Others come to connect with those they’ve lost. Kauffman makes no guarantees that a loved one will come through in a mediumship or that the person you want to connect with will show up. In fact, you could come looking to connect to a brother or sister and end up hearing from a long lost uncle or an old neighbor.
Before I ended our interview, I asked her if she could give one piece of advice or information to the world what would it be.
“What happens after you pass is determined by your own consciousness,” Kauffman explained.
Then she asked me a question of her own.
“Kris, what do you think happens to you when you die?”
I explained that I felt like I’ve always strived to be a positive force in the world. I like to think of myself as most people do, full of light and love and I hoped when I died I would move toward the poetic white light I’d always read about.
Her reply?
“You’re not moving toward the light, Kris. You are the light.”

*NOTE: While interviewing Ms. Kauffman, I used a digital recorder. She encouraged me to do so during my reading as it’s easy to forget messages that come through. It did not capture the first part of my meeting with her, which was my reading. But when I began to ask her questions strictly for the interview, it did record (cue the creepy music).

About Kathryn Kauffman
Kathryn provides private readings, mediumship and paranormal services for the communities of Lexington and Louisville Kentucky. She has published works in meditation, poetry and paranormal subjects on Kindle. She is an active teacher and offers seminars, private lessons and weekend intensives on Beginner and Advanced Psychic Abilities. 

To read more about Kathryn or to schedule an appointment or phone reading go to: www.kathrynkauffman.com or email at kkauffman309@gmail.com


Lead Me From Temptation by Kris Calvert
LEAD ME FROM TEMPTATION

Indie Luce is burnt out, broke and Divinely Marked. A hospice nurse acutely aware of the Spirit World around her, she tries desperately to piece her life together after the suicide of her twin brother just one year ago. Taking a position to provide end-of-life care for one of the most powerful men in the world, she finds herself unknowingly in a battle for her sanity and more importantly her soul.
 As a spiritual war rages silently onward, descendants of those like Indie are systematically tempted and taken and the momentum to tip the scale into depravity becomes impossible to stop. What Indie Luce doesn’t know about her past could place her future in the hands of Darkness.
 Can the light of one selfless young woman hold the key to the delicate balance of good and evil? She is only one. But what if one is all that is needed?



                           




                            LEAD ME FROM TEMPTATION BOOK TRAILER















Friday, January 24, 2014

Kissing: "Honey, I have a headache. Can you make it go away?"

The kiss. Romance writers describe it all the time. But what is it exactly? It seems to be more than just lip on lip action. Because it feels like so much more, I did a little research and it turns out kissing doesn't just feel fantastic it's also good for you. So pucker up and get healthy.

“As his lips brushed over hers, she knew she’d just burned off the calories of a Tic Tac.” As the heart beats faster it releases adrenaline, also known as epinephrine and other neurotransmitters in the blood. The boost in adrenaline increases your metabolism and helps burn calories. A study by Dr. Alexander DeWees showed “a passionate kiss, lasting about twenty seconds can burn up to 2-3 calories per minute.”
 “Kiss my ass.” or “Kiss me baby.” Want to feel better emotionally? During a lip-lock the brain releases dopamine and which is responsible for feelings of desire and bonding, and serotonin that elevates your mood. The feelings and emotions stirred up, and molecules and chemicals released throughout the body from a kiss can heal emotional “boo boos.”
“Honey, I have a headache. Can you make it go away?” After a long day do you have a little back pain? If so, take 2 kisses and skip the pain reliever. Kissing releases natural chemicals in the body called endorphins that can be more powerful than the narcotic morphine to relieve pain.
*SMOOCH* “Wow, I feel very relaxed.” In the moments of a great kiss, the chaos of the outside world is quiet, there’s silence in the mind, and the body relaxes and releases stress away. A kiss lowers stress by decreasing the body’s cortisol levels also known as the stress hormone. At the same time kissing stimulates the brain and creates a sense of peace and calmness by altering the body’s oxytocin levels.
“My skin treatment? I’ll never tell.” Kissing involves 34 facial muscles, and 112 postural muscles and helps to keep your face toned. The most important muscle involved in the peck is the orbicularis oris – as it puckers the lips.
“I love kissing you way more than going to the dentist.” Throw in a little tongue and you may keep the dentist away forever. Kissing increases saliva production and this saliva washes away bacteria that can cause cavities, tooth decay, and plaque build-up.
“Forget the Kleenex, give me your lips.” Kissing decreases IgE antibodies in the blood that are responsible for the release of histamine. Histamine release in the blood stream causes allergy symptoms such as sneezing and watery eyes. Therefore, more kissing means less sneezing and histamine release.
 “Kissing is better than Crestor.” Kissing keeps your blood pressure & cholesterol level low. A study of cohabiting and married couples showed an increased frequency of kissing decreased stress, increased relationship satisfaction, and decreased cholesterol levels. Stress is a well-known risk factor for heart disease. Therefore kisses keep you heart healthy with a one two punch by lowering blood pressure and cholesterol levels and stabilizing the cardiovascular system.
 “Kiss me baby. I feel a cold coming on.” Swapping spit means swapping germs and that is nature’s natural vaccination. Being exposed to others’ germs your body makes antibodies against those germs, which can in turn lead to immunity and prevent illness.
 “A diamond is forever, but kisses will help you live longer.” Kissing your man goodbye in the morning can increase his life by 5 years. It’s true, studies have shown men live longer when they are married, and kiss their spouse or partner goodbye in the morning. Sorry ladies, the same is not true for us. But a great kiss can curl your toes and leave you wanting more when he comes home.