Well it happened. I've hit the half century mark. December 30, 2015 will come and go like all the 18,250 days of my life, and tomorrow I will be fifty years and one day older.
I thought a lot about what I should say on my 50th birthday. It's better than the alternative crossed my mind for a hot second. Then there's you're only as old as you feel-- but there are days when I feel like I'm seventy and days when I feel thirteen. Instead I decided to jot down fifty things I've learned in the past fifty years--things that are true for me.
50.Ask for what you
want.
49. There will always be moments in life so packed with joy you’ll
find it impossible to contain the happiness in your heart. Be in the moment and
remember it for the days you want to cry and shout, “my life sucks!”
48. Be gracious and thankful. It’s important to let people
know you appreciate them.
47. Understand your mortgage, stock portfolio and how loans
and credit cards work. Bankers and accountants are invaluable and are happy to
explain anything you find confusing. It’s not silly to ask—it’s silly not to ask.
46. Vote. You don’t have to tell everyone your political
viewpoint—there’s a reason you vote in private—but exercise your American
right.
45. Anyone who’s willing to put their life on the line for yours
without knowing you is an altogether different kind of human being. Make it a
point to thank first responders and military folks for their service.
44. Dove soap. There’s nothing better for your skin. There’s
no need for fancy or expensive cleansers—just Dove soap. Spend money on
moisturizers and don’t neglect your neck.
43.Don’t worry about
the dirty house or laundry. It’s gonna be there tomorrow and when it’s
clean, it will get dirty again. Life is messy and it’s perfectly okay that your
house isn’t always perfect.
42. There are going to be times in life that frankly—suck.
People you love, trust, and look up to, will lie to you, disappoint you and even die.
This is because life is imperfect and so are we. You’ll never get over these
things, instead you’ll get past them. Life isn’t fair and it never will be, but
learning to work through the unhappiness leads to finding happiness again.
41. If you put positive energy into the world you'll get it in
return.
40. Exercise. No matter what.
39.Eat the cake. No
matter what.
38. Electric Hot Rollers = Big Hair. I love them both.
37. It’s okay to wear your pajamas all day every now and
then. And Netflix won’t melt your brain.
36. Forgive yourself. That imperfect stuff goes both ways.
*see #42.
35. Make plans for life knowing the path from point A to B
isn’t a straight line but a rollercoaster. Try to enjoy the ride.
34. Mentoring is as much a gift for the mentor as it is for the student.
33. Read. Anything and everything.
32. You are always stronger than you think you are—mentally and
physically.
31. Make friends and make time for friends. They’re the family you get to hand-pick.
30. From Mozart to Metallica, music is good for your soul.
29. Let grudges become non-factors in your life. Holding
onto them gives them undeserved energy. It’s okay to remember, but better to not to
care or even better? Forgive.
28. There’s no substitute for siblings. Sharing parents and
a childhood is powerful so stick close to them.
27.There is room in
a lifetime for more than one soul mate. Believe me, I have first hand experience.
26. There is room in a lifetime for more than one career.
Believe me, I have first hand experience.
25. Wear sunscreen. Believe me, I have first hand
experience.
24. Caffeine and alcohol are best in moderation.
23. Wrinkles and gray hair are badges of honor. You earn
them. Every. Single. One.
22. Lists. There’s power in marking things off of them.
21. Drink water.
20. There’s no substitute for a pet. A dog kiss can turn your day around quickly.
19. When your children leave for college, it's sad, but being an empty nester has its benefits. As Dr. Ruth once
said, the first week you walk around crying—the second week you walk around
naked.
18. When your children start doing things for themselves is
the very moment they appreciate all that you’ve done for them in the past.
17. It’s important to splurge every now and then. My
favorite? Shoes.
16. Heirlooms that are passed down don’t have to be
extremely valuable to have worth. Sentimental value trumps monetary value every
time.
15.Don’t wait for someday because it will never come.
Start now. Start today.
14. Get to know your grandparents. They are chock-full of
sound advice and they won’t always be around to guide you.
13. The words, I love
you are powerful. Use them.
12. Road rage will not get you to your destination any
faster.
11. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is.
The little voice in your head is God whispering in your ear.
10. Don’t worry about what others say about you. If it’s
nice, you don’t need to know and if it’s bad, you don’t want to know.
9. Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty
stuff—but seriously…don’t sweat any of it.Are you alive? Are your loved ones? Are you safe? Are your loved ones?
If you answer yes, it’s a good
day.
8. Don’t look back. Give up the what ifs, the couldas and
shouldas. It’s wasted time you could
be using to move forward and make new and exciting plans.
7. Write down all the important things you want your children to know
in a journal. Even when you’re gone, you’ll be around to tell someone not to
wear white after Labor Day.
6. You can’t please everyone. Don’t try and don’t lament
over not doing so.
5. Smile. The simple act will change your attitude.
4. Hugs are powerful and a positive exchange of energy.I tell people, “I’m a hugger” which is my way
of asking if they care if I hug them before I go for the embrace. I’m rarely
turned down.
3. Laugh. Laugh at everything that’s funny—including
yourself.
2. There will be times when you’ll feel unworthy of love.
Whether you tell yourself that or someone else tells you, know this: it’s a
lie. If you are breathing, you are worthy. Let me say that again. You. Are.
Worthy.
This brings me to number one.
1. Love yourself and accept who you are. You are uniquely
made and there’s no one else in the world like you.
*Kris Calvert is an author of Romantic Suspense, Paranormal Suspense, Horror and Contemporary Romance.
After reading Alexandra Petri’s column “Woman in a Meeting”
which was spurred by a discussion she had with a man over Jennifer Lawrence’s
essay on gender pay gap, I wanted to—as a woman who’s run her own company as
well as been the only female executive at others—share my two cents.
The whole idea behind the column was that women have to be
careful what they say or they will come across as angry, threatening or bitchy.
So she used famous quotes to illustrate her point.
Alexandra’s quotes are by innovators, leaders, igniters—the kind of folks who speak their mind—that’s why they’re leading. You can
easily be a woman and be the boss. In fact there are more of us out there today
than there were when I was twenty-two and took my first grown-up job. Now,
twenty-some years later, I’m very aware of the women who came before me in the
world of business and I am ever grateful that they made it easier for me to do my thing. Hopefully women like me are
making it easier for future generations of working women.
That being said, here’s my beef with Ms. Petri’s words:
Never, and I mean never, have I been in a meeting with a female executive or
business owner who framed their statements or questions with phrases like, “I don’t know. It’s probably crazy. I feel
like I’m rambling. I’m not an expert. or I’m sorry.”
F*** that . And I have
heard that out of a woman’s mouth in the boardroom and it may or may not have
been me.
Is it easy being a female in a mostly male workplace? No. Is
it easy being a woman and owning your own company? Nope. It isn't easy owning
your own company—period.
Did I take a lot of crap for being a woman? Sure, but that
is the price of doing business on any level. There’s crap…and lots of it. The
ability to shift through it and take away what’s valuable is, in itself, valuable.
And don’t kid yourself—as a leader, other women can be just as difficult to
deal with as men. It’s simply hard being the boss.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand where Petri is coming from.
As someone who’s been sexually harassed, called “Barbie in the boardroom” or
told that I’d never make it, I realize women deal with a different landscape in
the workplace than men. That doesn’t mean that it defines us. It doesn’t.
In the end I’ve always told myself it didn’t matter I was a woman—because I’m
smart, but really because I work hard.
Is it fair that this is the world we live in? A place where
men usually make more money than women for the same job or are praised for
speaking their mind when a woman is deemed a bitch for speaking up? No.
If I’ve tried to teach my kids one thing as they’ve grown
into adults it’s that life isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do or
have what you want. You can. You just can’t let anyone tell you, no. Business
is business. You aren’t there to make lifelong friends, but if you lead by
example I can guarantee you’ll be popular in the long run.
Ladies, if you want something, you don’t have to ask for it.
Make it happen. It’s not 1920—the year we finally got the right to vote—it’s 2015
and countless women before you have made more sacrifices than you can image so
that you can walk into the “meeting” and not apologize for who you are or what
you think.
Be fearless. That
is the trait of a leader and a woman. If we weren’t fearless we wouldn’t be
where we are today.
If you read Jennifer’s Lawrence’s essay on pay inequality,
she blames no one but herself for not sticking up for herself.She didn’t want to be a whiner or considered
bitchy. But business isn’t a popularity contest and if you can’t stick up for
yourself and your brand who will?
Finally, I wanted to translate some quotes that aren’t from John
Paul Jones, Julius Caesar, Moses, JFK, FDR, MLK, Patrick Henry or any other man
They are nonetheless, just as powerful.
“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.” –Joan of Arc
Stand back. I’ve got
this.
“Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you
will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.” Elizabeth I
I’ve got this.
“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” –Estee
Lauder
I’ve got this.
“We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They
do not exist.” –Queen Victoria
I’ve got this.
“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” Ginni Rometty, CEO, IBM
I’ve got this.
“Do not wait on a leader…look in the mirror, it’s
you.”–Katherine Miracle, Miracle
Resources
“I’ve got this.”
“Option A is not available. So let’s kick the sh** out of
Option B.” – Sheryl Sandberg COO Facebook
I’ve got this.
“I have a brain and I have a uterus and they both
work.”Pat Schroeder, Former
Congresswoman
Heading to Oh
Canada and turning my y’all into an eh!
I’m leaving
tomorrow for Canada and Romancing the Capital in Ottawa an event put together
by one of my favorite authors, Eve Langlais. But a southern girl heading that
far north? What I’ve discovered is that Canadians love their slang as much as
Southerners love their twang. Check it out.
Canadian
Washroom or Biffy=Toilet
“I’ll be back in
a jiffy. I’m just going to the biffy.”
Southern
Ladies
Room=Toilet
“Please excuse
me. I’m going to the Ladies Room with Buffy.”
Canadian
Jesus Murphy=An
exclamation of surprise
“Jesus Murphy!
Do you see how tight his pants are?”
Southern
Lord have mercy=An exclamation of surprise
“Lord have
mercy. Hand to heaven, I can see everything God gave him and it is not impressive.”
Canadian
Had the
biscuit=Dead or broken
“Mike’s old Lada
had the biscuit. It was time for a new car
Southern
Bought the
farm=dead or broken
“Well butter my
biscuit. Floyd’s done gone and bought the farm.”
And how about
that Canadian Cuisine?
Poutine—French fries slathered in gravy
and cheesecurds.
Whaaattt?
Southerners love anything that is deep-fried and covered in gravy.
Ketchup Potato
Chips
We love out BBQ
and our BBQ chips in the South. I get this one Canada. I get it.
Bacon
Although I’m not
into the back bacon (Canadian bacon) my research shows that Canadians love hog.
So do Southerners. Get the skillet hot and let’s fry up some oink!
BeaverTail—or Queues de Castor (French) is a fried
dough treat that’s shaped to resemble a real beaver tail and is topped with chocolate,
fruit and even candy.
This sounds
amazing. Wonder if they can make some with pralines?
Tourtière—This is a traditional
spiced and savory meat pie from Quebec, made with diced or ground pork, veal,
or beef.
In the South we add some garlic, eat it out of a bowl and call it
Burgoo.
I
can’t wait to use my new Canadian vocabulary and I will post pictures of
everything I eat in the Great White North.
When I decided I wanted to write a book about a hospice
nurse who could see the spirits of those who come for the dying, I did what any
former journalist turned novelist would—I began my quest with research. I used
what I knew from personal experience, interviews and articles I’d read to craft
the story and character of Indriel Luce—a woman with the first name of an angel
and a last name meaning light. After I wrote, Lead Me From Temptation—a work of fiction that is tagged at
booksellers as paranormal suspense—I felt the need to take a deeper look into
the world around me that I didn’t see,
but my main character could.
I contacted a Psychic Medium—a person who has the
ability to sense and communicate with beings and energies in other dimensions
including those who have died––and asked for an interview. It occurred to me
after I’d fired off the email that 1) someone with this type of ability might
not be interested in speaking with a fiction writer and, 2) I should consent to
a mediumship reading myself. How else could I validate the answers to my
questions?
Psychic medium, Kathryn Kauffman in Lexington,
Kentucky graciously consented to my interview not knowing anything about me
other than what I’d told her in my email or what she could’ve read online. What
I discovered after meeting her was that the universe is uniquely designed to
bring people together as Ms. Kauffman was not only a psychic medium, but also a
nurse—just like the heroine in my book.
Kauffman has the ability to speak with those who’ve
crossed over as well as those who’ve stayed behind on this dimension. I asked
her to “read” me and connect with anyone that might want to contact me. I won’t
share that very personal experience, but I will say that from the moment I
walked into her office and she said she had messages for me, I was astonished
to say the least.
I’d read up on minimal encouragers or clues someone
could use to read my reaction to information in order to skew it in the right
direction (the look on my face or a tiny nod to show the person they were on
the right track with their reading) and went into our meeting prepared to be
stone-faced and unaffected. I didn’t matter.
Kauffman had a page of messages written down and
waiting for me before I arrived. And her messages were spot on.
She conveyed things she couldn’t have possibly known—things
I’d never shared with anyone except for the person who’d died. I was floored
and honestly had a hard time pulling myself together to conduct the interview
on the heels of the reading.
That being said, the experience did allow me to pose
questions I might not have otherwise asked.
As a psychic, Kauffman can foretell the future. As a
medium she can connect with those who’ve passed.
We’re all on an energy path in life according to
Kauffman and it’s created out of positive and negative decisions. For the most
part, it’s a predictable journey. To look into someone’s future, she deals with
the person’s living energy and can see a predictability based on the way they
make their decisions.
I wondered if that meant we all had a predestined
life and according to her, the answer is, no. “Eighty percent of everything in
a psychic reading can change simply by a person changing their predictability
pattern,” explained Kauffman. “When someone makes a conscious decision to change
the course of their life a whole new energy path starts to develop.”
This was a reaffirmation of what I always believed to
be true. You are the captain of your own ship in life, even though the rough
seas. But what about looking into the past and connecting with people no longer
living?
Kauffman has been dealing with the otherworldly her
entire life, discovering her abilities at an early age while living on Midway
Island in the South Pacific.
“My first recollection is at the age of four. I
remember I was alone in my room and I could hear heavy breathing. So I held my own
breath and that someone or something continued to breathe.”
Kaufman, who has two aunts who perform professional
readings, spent the next twenty years opening herself up to her abilities. From
age 20 to 40 she practiced nursing and was a highly accommodated ICU nurse with
experience in seven different specialty areas. “All through nursing school and
being an ICU nurse I always did readings on the side for my friends and family.
If a friend of a friend needed help they would send them to me. Then I got involved
in some paranormal groups and volunteered my time with them. In 2004, I joined Kentucky
Paranormal Investigations until they dissolved in 2013.”
Donating her time to helping those with paranormal
problems, Kauffman has assisted numerous families deep in the throws of a
haunting. “I’ve seen a lot of paranormal activity and I’ve seen a lot of
paranormal activity in the hospital. It’s not all––good.”
Being the curious person I am, I wanted to know how I
could be in touch with the universe like my character, Indie Luce. According to
Kauffman it has nothing to do with magic and everything to do with Quantum
Physics and Mechanics—the study of the behavior of matter and energy at the molecular,
atomic, nuclear and even smaller microscopic levels––but in particular, brain
waves.
Our brains are comprised of a tight network of nerve
cells, all interacting with one another and creating an electrical field—your
nervous system. Anywhere there’s a nerve cell there’s electricity. And since
the biggest concentration of nerves are around our heads, that’s where most of
the action is.
All our thoughts are formed in this electrical field
and the measurable happenings in our brain’s overall electric field are our actual
thoughts racing through the mind. In fact, as you read this article, you are
creating energy because your thoughts are energy—just like everything else.
This brings me back to brain waves. Kauffman gave me
an interesting lesson during the interview. These are the basics:
There are a few types of brain waves and based on
what we are doing, these waves operate at different frequencies. Most of us work throughout the day with Beta
Waves flowing. At 14-40 HZ this means you are awake, alert and have focal
awareness. This is where we are able to complete tasks.
Alpha wave 9-13 HZ is a relaxed, calm state where we
are in a light meditation. This can happen when we are reading or into a movie,
daydreaming or for me as a writer, when I’m in the zone. “Alpha is also where the Schumann Resonance resides,”
explained Kauffman.
Schumann Resonance is the global electromagnetic
resonance phenomenon of the earth. Which means, when we daydream or in my case write,
we are in perfect harmony with the earth. “The vibration of the planet is
identical to your brain wave state and this is where psychic communication can take place.”
Theta wave, 4-8 HZ is a trance like state. This
according to Kauffman is where the dead communicate. “It is a deep, meditative
state and I have to prepare for it. I do an hour of meditation before I see a
client for mediumship.”
According to Kauffman, Theta is also your sleep
state—where the dead communicate in your dreams. “If you’ve had a dream of
someone who has passed, that is an actual communication. They wait until you
get into Theta wave and dial you up. Theta wave is like the dead’s cell phone
signal.”
But according to Kauffman the way the dead
communicate through dreams isn’t always literal. “Unless it’s really obvious,
you have to look at the whole concept of the dream to interpret what they’re trying
to convey.”
Finally, there is Delta wave, 1-3 HZ, which is deep
unconscious sleep. Delta is involved in triggering the release of hormones that
help the body heal and recuperate and also plays a role in transferring new
learning into long-term memory storage. It is the brain wave of most babies.
Because it’s all energy and brainwaves, Kauffman
believes that everyone has the ability to be in touch with the other side. “I
hate it when people say, ‘it’s a gift.’ It’s an ability. Just like going to someone to fix your car, they have the
ability to do that. You could learn to fix your own car but you probably don’t
want to. Everyone has the ability,
but most people shut it down, block it and say it doesn’t exist. There’s
nothing mystical about it. It’s all energy.”
If anyone can reach that level after years of
practice and meditation, how would one ever tell the difference between the
messages they are receiving from the dead and their own thoughts? According to
Kauffman, it simply sounds different.
“Your intrinsic thought has a different tone. The
message you receive has another amplitude than the thought. It’s louder and it
impresses upon you more.”
Kauffman explains that she can do psychic readings all
day, but mediumship or speaking to the dead is different. “I limit the
mediumship because if someone was sick or hurt badly, I feel what they feel.
One of the ways they communicate is to show you the pain because it’s an
identifier of who they are and what happened. I have to be careful how many I
do and I try to limit it.”
In fact, Kauffman restricts the amount of
communication and will only do one mediumship a day, three days a week. “When it starts to become too much, I have to
push back. It’s an energy exchange. I push them away and I stay in charge.”
Kauffman was straight forward in her reading with me
and does this with all her clients. “When I do a mediumship, I’m going to give
you exactly what I get. I want to use my abilities to help or clarify a
situation.” She intentionally leaves out accidents and deaths. “If there’s
nothing a person can do to change what’s going to happen then I’m not helping.
I’m only causing undo stress and anxiety.”
When I asked if that was a heavy burden to bear she
confirmed for me that it was.
In fact, she gets messages she can’t do anything with. “I’ll be in Theta wave
at two in the morning and there are those who are like, Hey Kathryn. Let’s talk! If I have a mediumship the next day, sometimes
they’ll (the dead) show up the night before.”
Kauffman also feels as if what we see on television
isn’t necessarily true and reality TV is not all real. “I think people come here
and expect the Long Island Medium and
as you can tell by looking around you, it’s not really that way. I don’t doubt
the readings, but the set up is probably a little more than real. I do think
people are more open to this type of communication because of what they’ve seen
on TV.”
And she’s right. People are flocking to psychic
mediums for answers. According to the American Federation of Certified Psychics
and Mediums, Inc. More than 670,000 people paid to consult a psychic medium in
2012. Sixty percent of those clients were women as opposed to men.
But what are some good reasons to seek psychic
counsel?
“On a psychic level, I would say that 80% of the
people who walk through the door to see me already know the answer to their own
question because their subconscious is already connected to everything. I pull
messages from the subconscious and interpret them for the client. What I do is
give them clarification and verification that what they are feeling is
correct—because most of the time they already know the answer to their
question.”
Others come to connect with those they’ve lost.
Kauffman makes no guarantees that a loved one will come through in a mediumship
or that the person you want to connect with will show up. In fact, you could
come looking to connect to a brother or sister and end up hearing from a long
lost uncle or an old neighbor.
Before I ended our interview, I asked her if she
could give one piece of advice or information to the world what would it be.
“What happens after you pass is determined by your
own consciousness,” Kauffman explained.
Then she asked me a question of her own.
“Kris, what do you think happens to you when you
die?”
I explained that I felt like I’ve always strived to
be a positive force in the world. I like to think of myself as most people do,
full of light and love and I hoped when I died I would move toward the poetic white
light I’d always read about.
Her reply?
“You’re not moving
toward the light, Kris. You are the
light.”
*NOTE: While
interviewing Ms. Kauffman, I used a digital recorder. She encouraged me to do so
during my reading as it’s easy to forget messages that come through. It did not
capture the first part of my meeting with her, which was my reading. But when I
began to ask her questions strictly for the interview, it did record (cue the
creepy music).
About Kathryn Kauffman
Kathryn provides private readings,
mediumship and paranormal services for the communities of Lexington and
Louisville Kentucky. She has published works in meditation, poetry and
paranormal subjects on Kindle. She is an active teacher and offers
seminars, private lessons and weekend intensives on Beginner and Advanced
Psychic Abilities.
To read more about Kathryn or to schedule
an appointment or phone reading go to: www.kathrynkauffman.com
or email at kkauffman309@gmail.com
Lead Me From Temptation by Kris Calvert
LEAD ME FROM TEMPTATION
Indie Luce is burnt out, broke
and Divinely Marked. A hospice nurse acutely aware of the Spirit World around
her, she tries desperately to piece her life together after the suicide of her
twin brother just one year ago. Taking a position to provide end-of-life care
for one of the most powerful men in the world, she finds herself unknowingly in
a battle for her sanity and more importantly her soul.
As a
spiritual war rages silently onward, descendants of those like Indie are
systematically tempted and taken and the momentum to tip the scale into
depravity becomes impossible to stop. What Indie Luce doesn’t know about her
past could place her future in the hands of Darkness.
Can the
light of one selfless young woman hold the key to the delicate balance of good
and evil? She is only one. But what if one is all that is needed?
49. There will always be moments in life so packed with joy you’ll
find it impossible to contain the happiness in your heart. Be in the moment and
remember it for the days you want to cry and shout, “my life sucks!” 
