Pearls don't lie on the shore. If you want one, you must dive for it. 💕

Pearls don’t lie on the shore. If you want one, you must dive for it. –Chinese proverb

It’s coming. The day you either adore with your adorable other or the day you dread as a singleton. Valentine’s Day.

I was a single person for a very long time. A very long time. I’ve been with a significant other to celebrate Valentine’s Day and I’ve also been alone—utterly alone. It was in the alone years that I learned how to navigate holidays because let’s face it, I wasn’t just alone on February 14^th, I was alone on all the other holidays too. And what I figured out over the years of sometimes being alone and sometimes not, was that on the so-called holidays that were meant for lovers, i.e. Sweetest Day and Valentine’s Day, it was more important to love myself.

So each year when I was alone, I did this little exercise where I wrote down all the things I liked about myself, such as: I’m a woman of independent means and I don’t need a man to take care of me financially. Or: I not only love sports, I understand and know sports. I would also take the time to write down what it was I was looking for in another person. It’s been said if you put out into the world what you want, the universe will listen. The key to this is actually putting it out there. So I did. I wanted someone who was as driven as I was, had an amazing sense of humor and was creative and intelligent in ways that I was not.

So many times I will see on social media men and women publicly declaring their depression because they’re single. STILL single. But I must say, whining about it doesn’t bring the perfect soulmate into your world. The more you focus on all the things you don’t want in a man or woman, the more those very undesirable attributes show up in potential mates. I’m not just saying this, I’m speaking from experience. Girls, if you continue to say, I don’t want a self-centered player who won’t commit. Guess what? That’s exactly who will show up.

Guys, if you keep saying, I don’t want a crazy woman who’s possessive and smothers me to death. You got it, she’s going to keep knocking down your door.

How many times have you or your friends said, I’m a loser-magnet. Or, only the crazy chicks want to date me. The more you say it, the more they show up because you’re focusing on what you don’t want instead of what you do.

So this Valentine’s Day, do yourself a favor. Don’t feel alone or sad. Don’t eat your weight in sweets or feel sorry for yourself when the flowers start rolling into your workplace. Make your list. Put some positive vibes out into the world and see what happens. Intentions are powerful. Use them wisely.

As for me, I found my perfect person. It took a long time and I waded through a lot of heartache to get there. But when it happens what you discover is you don’t need a particular date like February 14^th to celebrate love. Every day is Valentine’s Day when you truly love someone.




*Kris Calvert is an author of Thrillers, Romantic Suspense and Contemporary Romance.

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